Month: August 2010
Fung Shway
Into feng shui? Hate feng shui? Think feng shui is a bunch of bologna sandwiches? What happens when Candi Cotton fung shways out Patterson Collier’s set? Click play to find out..
Good News from the Gulf (VIDEO)
What incendiary discovery does Frederick Pyromaniac make?
Hard Candi – Candi’s Emmy Blog
Ah the Emmys… the glitz… the glamour… the gowns… and apparently they gave out some little gold statues. As I walked the red carpet, I saw so many avoidable faux pas, that I just had to give some advice. Here’s my take on the whole affair:
The recession has hit Heidi Klum hard this year. She could only afford to pay half price, so she had to settle for half a dress that looked like some soaps my grandmother used to have.
Anna Paquin’s breasts glittered like they were straight out of Egypt, but the rest of her dress and the severity of her hair made her look like Stephen Moyer has turned her into a vampire. Vampires are sexy. Unfortunately, Anna’s dress wasn’t. But when I told her this, she bit me.
Kate Gosselin is definitely a vampire, sucking the blood out of her 8 children for $$ and then feeding off those poor unfortunate souls who have nothing better to do than watch her. I said, “Kate, I don’t think your uterus has shrunk from your last pregnancy and I went blind from the shine on your face. What are you even doing at the Emmys?” Kate bared her pointy teeth and threatened to sick Jon on me. I ran away as fast as my stilettos would carry me. Aaaahhhhcccckkkk!
Wow! Vampires really seemed to be a theme this year.
Just then, I saw Carrie Preston and asked her if the Little Mermaid wanted her dress back. She said I should go jump in the ocean and ask her myself. OK. I’ll put that on my to do list…right after ‘take a trip to the north pole to convince Santa I haven’t been naughty this year.’
Tina Fey’s dress was so busy I thought I was stuck in traffic.
Someone give Nina Dobrev a McNugget or SOMETHING to eat PLEASE! I’m afraid if I breathe on her, she’ll fall over.
PETA was all over Christina Hendricks… how many birds does it take to feather a dress?
Juliana Margulies was a dominatrix who puked silver sparkles all over herself (bow wow!). When I asked her about her outfit, she chased me off with a whip. WOW! People really can’t take constructive criticism anymore! Are we becoming the nation of anger management classes and Prozac?
Well, at least that little gold statue was very svelte, very elegant, and very gracious. AND wings are SO in this season.
I’m Candi Cotton. Tune in to I, Candi because I’m hot and you want to look at me.
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Frederick – Fred blogs on blogging
Fred Blogs…
Investigative on-the-spot reporter Frederick Pyromaniac here. My latest assignment: blogging. What is it? Where does it come from? And do I get residuals? My exhaustive research has shown me that blogging is a verb that people do ‘online’, utilizing their ‘keyboards’ and ‘laptops’ to ‘write stuff’. As such, it is very difficult to set fire to blogging.
Cedric’s Chillin Blog – on Frederick Pyromaniac
On Frederick:
Fredrick Pyromaniac is a poo poo head. I mean that in the nicest way possible.