MEET THE NEWS TEAM


Candi Cotton

candi-thumb

AMERICAN News Babe Candi Cotton was born Candice Cottonshrub to a conservative oil tycoon in Tyler Texas. An aspiring cheerleader…


Cedric Gyromanic

Cedric Gyromanic

Cedric Gyromaniac in High School was voted most likely to have an opinion about stuff most people don’t care about…


Charlie Shankoff

Charlie Shenkoff

Charles Bartholomew Shankoff, also known as Charlie to his fans, friends and admirers, was a field reporter and news anchor…


Frederick Pyromaniac

Frederick Pyromaniac-web-thumb

On-the-spot reporter Frederick Pyromaniac trained at the Guy Montag Academy of Journalism and Book-burning in Essex, England. As a child…


Patterson Collier

patterson-thumb

Patterson Collier grew up in a small town east of Madison Wisconsin called Cambridge. Not really being a Packers fan…


Candi Cotton

Candi Cotton

Candi Cotton

Hot AMERICAN News Babe

AMERICAN News Babe Candi Cotton was born Candice Cottonshrub to a conservative oil tycoon in Tyler Texas. An aspiring cheerleader in high school, Candice showed immense spirit and grace with every rejection by giving her peanut allergy to the head cheerleader (Take THAT you big-haired, large breasted *****).

After high school, Candice left Texas for Hollywood in search of her own fame off her daddy’s fortune. Her first TV appearance was on Extreme Makeover, where under-paid plastic surgeons turned her into the elegant and charming News Babe she is today.

Newly christened Candi Cotton, her first break came on the Mexican language program El Macho Nacho where her duties included looking pretty on camera, turning letters, and shaking her brand new mariachis whenever the host pointed to her. Candi then landed a job as the hot weather bunny on Los Angeles’s KTLA. Here her duties were much tougher, as she had to be able to talk and point to the right place on a map at the same time (and all while wearing stiletto heels).

See Candi’s Weather Bunny audition:



Candi’s big break, however, wouldn’t come for another 3 years. She finally got national recognition when an executive at Dog News discovered her charms and cleavage, and offered her a job to be the hostess with the mostess on I, Candi with Candi Cotton. In just 16 short months, I, Candi has become the highest rated cleavage on the network.

Out of her gratefulness for everything life has given her, Candi has started a foundation to give back: The Right to Party Foundation. This foundation supports all Americans’ rights to party. Candi especially enjoys tea parties with her dollies and dumping socialist coffee beans into Boston Harbor. Oh, and she really likes pretty things, especially if they sparkle.

Candi Cotton is played by Katharine Charbonnet


LATEST BLOG POSTS


LATEST VIDEOS



RSS Feed | Web Design by GeekTown | Copyright Hundred Watt Films