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Hard Candi

2 Feb 2012

Conservative Body Parts

Newt Gingrich promised Florida the full moon. Florida gave Gingrich the finger. Days later, showing off his brand new 270 billion karat flawless diamond ring, Mitt Romney officially beds The Donald.

After South Carolina spanked Romney so hard he couldn’t sit down for ten days, Little Mitt went and dried his eyes in Florida, where he and Newt got down and dirty with each other. This nasty tryst climaxed with Mitt breaking into his beautiful soprano, “I feel pretty, oh so pretty…” and ended with him bragging “I like big votes and I cannot lie…”

So what’s next for the two? More dirty dancing until one of them lands firmly on top.

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